I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
