apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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