a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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