I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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