He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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