im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
