I wish I could teleport
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
