the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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