I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
