I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We need to rekindle our bromance
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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