thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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