omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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