So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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