I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
