Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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