I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
