wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
