HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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