My nipple is on Facebook.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
