I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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