I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Someone came in the potted fern
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
