Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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