a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
