There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
