I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
