i just wanna soil my oats bro
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
