Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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