All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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