forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
