Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
