He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
