I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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