I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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