I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
