how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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