My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
