WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
