Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
