Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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