I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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