I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
