I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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