Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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