Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
