watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
