Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
