i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to get me chipped asap
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
