its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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