i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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