need another drink. this is the easiest way
P.S. I can't hear my feet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
