well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
