I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
