I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
