i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
