Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
