Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
