mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
