Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
