my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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