Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
