He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
