He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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