If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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