Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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