ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
