The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
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why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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