So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
