is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
