fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
